Friends

Do you have a circle of friends you can call on for support, a laugh or a glass of wine?  Or maybe you have a best friend who has been with you through thick and thin since school days.  Then you're lucky, very lucky.  I have neither.  I started this post over a week ago and waited to see if I felt any better for writing it (I may delete it in the end) But then I read Frugal in Norfolk's post this morning and realised I'm not alone.  So here goes.

Let's back up a bit.  I hated secondary school.  For lots of reasons it wasn't a happy experience.  I had a few friends but when I left I only kept in touch with 2 of them.  After a short while only M and I stayed in touch (phone and letter as it was pre computers!)  She was training to be a nurse and I was doing my teacher training. We went to each other's weddings but I had my children very early and we lost touch beyond the annual Christmas card.  TBH I don't think she liked my ex. Then Facebook happened and we stayed in touch that way.  A few years ago without any warning she took herself off (I think she had some online hassles) and we've lost touch 😔 She has my address here but I don't have her current one.  So for the last 3 years I've been waiting for her to contact me.

Pre divorce I thought I had a wide circle of friends.  We moved around the country a bit with the ex's job but I worked hard on staying in touch with people. Some of them were very good friends.  We went on holiday with some of them.  We even helped some of them financially (that's a whole other story!) Our house was the social hub for the ultra running community.  I've lost count of how many dinners/weekends/bbqs/parties I hosted and catered.  When we split people were sympathetic and I continued to get invited to a few events that didn't include my ex as most people were shocked by his behaviour.  A few friends even refused to speak to him.

Until one day a good friend invited me to dinner with the words "We've invited your ex and his partner as well so can you all sort out between you who comes?"  I didn't go partly because I didn't want any public confrontation but I was also very hurt. Then most invitations were issued along the same lines and someone actually told me I "should be over it by now."  Yeah, being left after 24 years of marriage for someone in our friends circle and her putting it all over Facebook was easy to get over in a few months!  The final straw was being told that "I don't like your ex or what he's done but we have to be friends with him because of who he is."

It would be easy to say they weren't real friends anyway.  But in the aftermath of the initial split some of these friends were on the end of a phone in the middle of the night.  Some drove miles to hold my hand and cry with me when I needed it.  I thought that was real friendship. 

But they're not here now.  Once I sorted my new life out they practically disappeared despite my repeated efforts to stay in touch.  I get an occasional comment on my FB posts but nothing in person.  There's only so many times you can suggest coffee/lunch/dinner without them confirming a date.

It's hard making new friends when you're older.  I had great work colleagues in my previous school and we socialised but again they're not really in touch.  My current colleagues are lovely and we've socialised a few times so I do have a bit of a social life beyond OH.  But we're all at a different stage in life so work is all we have in common.

I spend a lot of time on my own.  I'm an empty nester with a partner who still has his own house with a dependent child.  I know where we're heading but it's still a few years away *sighs*  I'm content with my own company and I'm never bored.  I'm blessed in so many ways and don't want to be moany about it.  But it would be nice to have someone remember I'm still here and suggest we get together for something.  Anything...